Shame and the Fragile Construction of Singer Identity

Being a singer often begins with a spark—a moment when someone notices your talent, when you’re told you have a “gift.” From there, a singer identity starts to take shape. But this identity isn’t formed in isolation. It is crafted through relationships with teachers, peers, institutions, audiences—and through the unspoken rules about what counts as "good," "worthy," or "successful."

This construction of identity can be exhilarating and affirming. But it is also fragile—because it often hinges on acceptance or rejection from others. That’s where shame begins to creep in.

Through reading countless articles and books on this subject I came to recognise my own vocal shame which crept up on me over time and culminated in the painful aftermath of vocal injury and a failed operation. For years, I had worked on my craft and career—not just because I loved singing, but because my identity felt contingent on it. I didn't quite see that my voice and "singer identity" had become central to my worth. When it faltered, I faltered. I felt exposed, anxious, and deeply ashamed. I didn’t just mourn the technical losses—I questioned my right to sing at all. That shame was expressed through my silence.

This experience illuminated the fragile scaffolding on how I "defined" myself, the contingencies on how  my singer identity had been built, entangled not only with performance or teaching pressure, but also with deeply internalised beliefs about worth, belonging, and identity itself.

As a professional singer and teacher, I’ve noticed (and personally experienced) the many ways singers come to define and construct themselves and whilst this list is by no means exhaustive, it provides some food for thought. So, here are some key identity-building forces I’ve observed and experienced:

• Natural Talent: Being “born to sing” can feel empowering, but it can also be excluding. When your voice changes, or when talent alone isn’t enough, the identity built on this begins to shake.

• Skill Acquisition: Training with respected teachers and institutions often shapes a singer’s self-worth. But it can create a deep dependence on external approval, where a singer feels valid only when praised.

• Uniqueness and Originality: Finding “your sound” is often encouraged. But sometimes, that pressure to be different can feel forced or disconnected from authenticity.

• Influences and Taste: Our sound is shaped by everything we’ve heard and loved—social, cultural, ethnic, familial. But dominant singing cultures don’t always value this diversity.

• Group Identity: Belonging to a genre or scene can give us a sense of community. But it can also require a kind of conformity that stifles individual expression.

Shame intersects with these identity-shaping forces in subtle, persistent ways such as:

• Comparison and Competition: The voice of comparison whispers constantly—"Am I as good as them?"—and easily turns into "I’ll never be enough."

• Genre Conformity: Shame emerges both when you don’t fit in and when you try to. Fitting the mould can feel just as painful as being left out of it.

• Training and Shaming: Teacher-student dynamics can nurture growth—but they can also sow shame, especially when power is misused.

• Elitism and Hierarchies: Some voices, styles, or backgrounds are deemed more legitimate than others. The rest of us are left wondering if we’re “real” enough.

• Gender and Class: Navigating expectations around how a singer should look, sound, or speak adds another layer of shame—especially for women, gender-diverse singers, and those from working-class backgrounds.

Singers carry the weight of these intersecting pressures, often quietly.
When shame enters this mix, it can distort not just how we feel about our voice, but who we believe we are allowed to be. It’s about the silent beliefs and questionings  - are we too much, not enough, or acceptable? And what we do to assimilate and accomodate and relinquish parts of ourselves in order to cover up, hide or shy away - and all the while not knowing that we are doing it and the powers at play behind it - these things, I believe can be deeply rooted in how our singer identities are built.

By exploring the relationship between shame and identity, we begin to disentangle ourselves from the need for external permission to belong. We can start rebuilding a sense of self that is centred on voice, yes—but also on compassion.

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